I Am….

I am……

Not a whore
Not a maid
Not a prostitute duly paid

Not a nurse
Not a purse
Not one to be hit or cursed

Not a fool
Not dumb
Not one to be under a thumb

Not property
Not for sale
Not a booty call
Not bail

Not a therapist
Not a Savior
Not putting up with bad behavior

Not a victim
A survivor
Not putting up with a no good liar

I am a lady
Stand with Grace
Got something to say?
Say it to my face

I am mighty
A strong oak tree
Expect different?
Leave me be

Stephanie Ann Kinzel


Child Rape Should Be Federal Offense

Sexually Abused child.

Image via Wikipedia

          Since breaking news of the Sandusky child sex abuse scandal rocked Penn State, victims have begun emerging out of the woodwork. However, not all of these victims belong to the Penn State Perv, but came forward because of. Recent allegations against Bernie Fine (Syracuse Assistant Basketball Coach) are said to be a direct result of the Sandusky case. As more victims find the courage to come forward, more high-profile cases form. This same domino effect happened not long ago in the Catholic Church, crumbling the very foundation of members’ faith. The Boy Scouts of America suffered the same fate, as lawsuits were filed in Oregon; what’s more, teachers have been arrested for molesting students. The plethora of perverts in this country (739,853 registered, according to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children) is a strong testament that we need strict deterrents for such a heinous act –like Federal Life charges with no statute of limitation!

These sexual predators take the lives of victims, not by death of body, but death of soul.  “About 80% of 21 year olds that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder” (Childhelp.org, 2011). Many victims self-medicate with drugs and alcohol to reduce shame, guilt, and fear. “As many as two-thirds of the people in treatment for drug abuse reported being abused or neglected as children” (Childhelp.org, 2011); what’s more, many of these addicts never achieve long-term sobriety.

       Addiction, coupled with psychological issues often result in an arrest of some type for the victim. “ Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime” (Childhelp.org, 2011).  Some victims victimize their own children, either physically, sexually, or mentally; in turn, those children grow to do the same. “About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse” (Childhelp.org, 2011). Though the percentages are variables, the impact on victim and society are not, making another strong argument for Federal law and penalties.

          What is really disturbing about sexual abuse victimization is, most children are molested by someone they know and trust, such as a family member, sports coach, a friends family member, neighbor, priest, youth enrichment program leader, and yes –even a teacher. “More than 90% of juvenile sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator in some way” (Childhelp.org, 2011). More often than not, a family friend is the pervert; a parent’s significant other, a babysitter, a drinking buddy, and even a church member. It’s unfortunate, but if you have children, you MUST be suspicious of every person in you and your children’s lives. Predators specifically search for troubled children who need attention and mentorship; in addition, financially deprived families are a target as well. However, don’t be a fool, a pervert will not discriminate class, color, or financial status, and they just want a child, any child –your child!

          So, what can parents do to keep children safe? Educate, educate, and educate! Educate children about signs, signals, tone, looks, touch, sex, verbal and non-verbal communication, offender behaviors and patterns, and, why, when, and who should touch their private parts. Teach courage and the importance of telling an adult if they are fondled, or forced into sexual behavior; what’s more, teach that NOT telling puts others at risk and hinders justice. Additionally, petition the government to make child sexual assault a Federal crime to carry a minimum of life –no second chances! An offender’s second chance could cost your charge their innocence; there is no second chance for that.

          In conclusion, Americans must not continue to coddle sex offenders as if they have rights. These perverts lost their rights the minute their IQ failed to exceed past their belt buckle and they raped a child! Maybe if these low-moral pigs had to fear life in Federal prison, and “Bubba” in general population fulfilling HIS sexual desires, then maybe fewer children would be victimized. Furthermore, for those who believe rehabilitation is possible, think of this: If you are heterosexual, could any amount of counseling turn you gay? If you are homosexual, could any amount of counseling turn you straight? In either case, would a short stay in jail change your mind? Of course not, we want what satisfies us, and we have sex with WHO satisfies us. Therefore, you will not change the perverted action of those who desire children. The rape of a child affects every state, community, and taxpayer in this nation and should be considered a federal offense that carries a minimum life sentence with no statute of limitation –period!






Childhelp.org. (2011, November 28). National child abuse statistics:

       Child abuse in America.

http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics?gclid=CMC4k6LC2a wCFQen7QodHElZsA

Paterno Gets the Boot for Amoral Judgment

Penn State Nittany Lions head coach Joe Patern...

Image via Wikipedia

          Saturday’s loss to Nebraska added insult to injury for the Penn State Nittany Lions and Happy Valley. Although Penn State held their own, Nebraska took the win with a final score of 17-14. The 3 point loss knocked the Nittany Lions from #12 to #19. Nearly 108,000 fans packed Beaver Stadium to support students and staff in spite of the child molestation scandal dominating the media. As the final second ticked off the game clock, fans wondered if the home field loss was due in-part to the absence of legendary coach Joe Paterno. Paterno got the boot via phone late November 9th for his amoral judgment in the Jerry Sandusky sex abuse scandal. Paterno is accused of not doing enough to stop Sandusky’s predatory improprieties. “Penn State’s Prize-Winning Pig”, Paterno was more concerned with protecting his reputation than saving the innocence of young children.

 Claims Paterno knew of and did only the bare minimum to report Sandusky having “anal” sex with a boy about 10-years-old in a Penn State football locker-room shower has sickened and outraged Americans. In the Grand Jury report, Mike McQueary, known in the report only as “graduate assistant”, testified, “He saw a naked boy, Victim 2, whose age he estimated to be ten years old, with hands up against the wall, being subjected to anal intercourse by a naked Sandusky” (Sandusky Grand Jury Presentment, 2011.p.6-7).  McQueary claims he conveyed this incident to Paterno, who in turn reported it to Penn State administrators. However, University Trustees hold the position Paterno had a higher obligation to follow-up with the university and by calling campus police and/or state police resulting in the “prize-winning-pig” Paterno’s ousting from Penn State.

So, why are others, like Mike McQueary who actually witnessed the sex abuse, still employed by the university and not charged by public officials? As a university representative, he had a moral and legal responsibility to report the act at the time of the incident, but he failed to do so. McQueary is currently on paid administrative leave following threats to his life and Penn State’s review of the witnessed events. Breaking news suggests McQueary has consulted an attorney in fear of possible ramifications of his inaction. It is mind-boggling a human being could witness a sexual predator raping a 10-year-old boy and not be impelled to call police or intervene. What happened to Heroes? Because, if I had seen this horrific act playing out, someone would have had to call the police for me beating the Hell out of the pedophile! It takes a village to raise a child, but it only takes one person to save one.

Sandusky, a former defense coordinator at Penn State and founder of The Second Mile, a charity for at risk youths, is charged with numerous felonies in connection with the sexual abuse of at least eight boys, which he met through the charity. Recently he is accused of “pimping” those victims out to wealthy donors. “[Steven] Turchetta characterized Sandusky as very controlling within the mentoring relationships he established with Second Mile students…Turchetta testified Sandusky would be “clingy” and even “needy” when a young man broke off the relationship he had established with him and called the behavior “suspicious” (Sandusky Grand Jury Presentment, 2011.p.5). Sandusky made at least 61 phone calls from home and 57 calls from his cell phone to one victim. Sandusky reportedly bought marijuana for another victim and drove him around while it was smoked. It seems Sandusky prefers “water-sports” to football, showering with nearly all his victims.

“The mother of Victim 6 confronted Sandusky about showering with her son, the effect it had on her son, whether Sandusky had sexual feelings when he hugged her son in the shower and where Victim 6’s buttocks were when Sandusky hugged him. Sandusky said he had showered with other boys and Victim 6’s mother tried to make Sandusky promise to never shower with a boy again but he would not” (Sandusky Grand Jury Presentment, 2011.p.19-20).  

Sandusky’s predatory perversions perfectly fit the pedophile profile: seek out children from broken homes which are financially deprived; seek out troubled at risk children; become involved in the children’s lives outside the program, away from supervision; woo victims with the buying and giving of “hush” gifts; and play the little “games” daddies play (the tickling of the belly, hand upon the thigh, soap wars in the shower, wrestling, giving back rubs and showers). Now, remind me WHY it took so long for this man to get arrested. Oh, that’s right –a university’s reputation, along with the reputation of their prize-winning-pig! Until the pig got caught in the slop –now Paterno is on the butcher’s block for the “good” of the university. However, can Penn State recover from the stench?

Gary Schultz has to be the top pin-head-pervert-protector. The Grand Jury report suggests, “Although Schultz oversaw the University Police as part of his position, he never reported the 2002 incident to the University Police or any other police agency, never sought or reviewed a police report on the 1998 incident and never attempted to learn the identity of the child in the shower in 2002…no one from the university did” (Sandusky Grand Jury Presentment, 2011.p.10). What type of amoral, self-centered coward who has these connections doesn’t report a child predator? Schultz should be banned from Penn State and serve a stint in prison for his inaction resulting in the abuse of more children. Furthermore, every person who protected this low-life intruder should be headed for a 10×10 cell in a jumpsuit labeled “property of Bubba”!

With civil suits threatening Penn State, the trustees’ are busier than a one-legged-man in a butt kicking contest –covering tracks and asses in hopes the consequences of employing perverted, morally inapt staff members don’t hurt the university’s pocketbook too much. However, they cannot erase the unflattering media coverage sure to haunt the University’s legacy for decades to come. Penn State’s toughest hurdle may be explaining why Jerry Sandusky is currently collecting $58,000 in pension payments; in addition, why he was allocated permission to continue to use Penn State property after the 1998 investigation, as long as he didn’t continue to bring children there. What the Hell kind of logic is that? Did Penn State officials honestly think if this predator did not have their facility to rape young boys the rapes would not occur? The logic or lack thereof, Penn State administrators used was not only ineffective, but allowed a pervert to prey on young boys for many years. The egregious behavior of all involved in this scandal is heartbreaking and sickening at best.

As a survivor, let me share with you what these victims have been put through, and the effect it will have on society. Normally I do not discuss this very personal part of my past with the public; however, in this case I feel it is imperative. Victims are often ashamed, sexually confused, angry, mentally tortured by visions of the intrusion, endure nightmares, suffer from guilt, develop personality disorders, entertain thoughts of suicide, and have challenges with intimate social relationships. These victims need the public to cry out and lend them strength through understanding and action in hopes one day they will see themselves as survivors and not victims.

If readers are interested in viewing the Grand Jury Report, it can be found at http://cbschicago.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/sandusky-grand-jury-presentment.pdf , linked through CBS Chicago.com. Be warned, the details are disturbing and will cause anger, disgust, and sadness.


 Edited By Carol Farragher

Penn State Perv Could Face Life: Cronies Charged With Cover-up

Jerry Sandusky, right, the former Penn State d... 

          Penn State pervert Jerry Sandusky was arrested Saturday November 5th on numerous felony charges. The charges range from involuntary deviate sexual intercourse too aggravated indecent assault that involved at least eight boys –one which was as young as 10-years-old. If convicted on all counts Sandusky could spend the rest of his life behind bars. The news of Sandusky’s arrest rocked Penn State and shook the foundation of the Catholic Church –which is still under strict scrutiny from past molestation cases involving priests.

          “Sandusky is charged with multiple counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, corruption of minors, endangering the welfare of a child, indecent assault and unlawful contact with a minor, as well as single counts of aggravated indecent assault and attempted indecent assault” (Associated Press, 2011).

          Adding insult to injury, Penn State Athletic Director Tim Curley and Senior Vice President of Business and Finance Gary Schultz were arrested for perjury and failure to report Sandusky to authorities. Additionally, the character of Coach Joe Paterno has been called into question and his resignation requested because of allegations he disregarded morality by doing the bare minimum when reporting  Sandusky’s dirty little secret to school staff.

          State Attorney General Linda Kelly had this to say about Curley and Schultz’s cover-up: “Their inaction likely allowed a child predator to continue to victimize children for many, many years” (FoxNews.com, 2011). Kelly continued by saying that Paterno fulfilled his legal obligation when he reported Sandusky to school administrators; therefore, he would not be charged. When asked about Paterno’s moral obligation, Kelly had this to say: “I’m not going to comment on morality” (Brady, Carey, USA Today, 2011). State Police Commissioner Frank Noonan however, did not pass up the opportunity, stating:

          “Somebody has to question about what I would consider the moral requirements for a human being that knows of sexual things that are taking place with a child…[adding] that means everyone: whether you’re a football coach or a university president or the guy sweeping the building. I think you have a moral responsibility to call us” (Brady, Carey, USA Today, 2011).

          I agree whole heartedly. That being said, these three moral-inapt pigs should swing by the neck next to the pervert they protected. What decent human being would enable a child rapist to continue his perverted predatory improprieties to save the reputation of a university and their prize-winning pig? The lowest, slimiest, self-centered, narcissistic pig that ever drew a breath –that’s who! Yes, that’s right –I just called Paterno, Curley, and Schultz low-life, slimy, self-centered, narcissistic pigs. I personally hope guilt and shame commandeer their souls, eating them alive until devoured by the Hounds of Hell. As for Sandusky, I wish him a lengthy stay in prison with a cellmate that never tires.


Associated Press. (2011, November 5). Two top officials step down amid Penn

       State scandal. FoxNews.com.


FoxNews.com. (2011, November 7). Penn state officials covered up alleged sex

       scandal, prosecutors say.


Brady, E., Carey, J. (2011, November 8). Cain’s support holding for now.

       USA Today. Gannett. Volume 30, No.39. ISSNO734-7456.

Best Little Diner in Tennessee!

            If you are traveling through Pulaski
Tennessee, a must stop eatery called “The Rusty Spur Diner” located on highway 31 is
the perfect place to fill your belly. Owners Cathy and James Vandiver partnered
with parents Dennis and Gloria Hebir are country culinary geniuses; serving up
the tastiest chicken, pork, steaks, and burgers in the South. This diner is
famous for the hottest chicken wings in the country; so hot that a pair of
gloves and goggles is required to even pick them up. Pictures pinned on the
wall depict the few who have succeeded and the many who have failed to eat
these fiery spiced wings. Additionally, James Vandiver cooks 

one mean, tender, tasty, steak; a
person could not find a high-dollar steak house to fix one better, or a cozier
place to eat it.

            One local man Joseph Boshers, “still hurting the next morning”
(according to a post on the diner’s Facebook page) had this to say about the
They were hotter
than hell!” 

the owners, this is a great compliment that puts a smile on their face. You can
read more comments by diners’ (local and visitors’) on their Facebook page,
and see more pictures of the Gunslinger Challenge winners and gave-it-a-try failures.
No matter where in the U.S you reside, a visit to The Rusty Spur Diner is
worth the trip! I drive from Nashville just to get a taste of the wonderful
food served up by this family owned/run diner; it is worth the trip as well as
the price. I give The Rusty Spur an A+ in service, culinary expertise, and the
comfortable country setting!


Do not rape children

Image via Wikipedia

The debate on why men rape women has been a hot topic
among scientists and psychologists for years, only to find that it is still
without a solid annalistic explanation, only theory; though some psychologists
and scientists believe that their theory is the correct reasoning. The opinion
varies depending which side of the spectrum it is looked at. One thing that is
certain is “in the United States, a woman is sexually assaulted or raped every
six minutes…85% of victims know their attacker and 84% of rapes will go
unreported” (Supriya, 2011). This is a statistic that cannot be ignored nor be
left unsearched for practical answers and solutions.

Scientists Thornhill and Palmer have stirred-up
controversy with their theory about why men rape women. “Thornhill and Palmer
argue that rape evolved as an “alternative mating strategy”, and they contend
that it is a “natural, biological phenomenon and a product of our evolutionary
heritage” (Ochert, 2000). The theories are many, to the point of confusion
at times. Thornhill’s theory derived from his studies on “the mating habits of
the scorpion fly”, which have a “notal organ” to enable it to hold down and
force the female to concede to mating –a sort of “specialized rape tool”
(Ochert, 2000). This theory stirred-up so much controversy that scheduled
lectures were canceled; proving that Thornhill and Palmer’s theory is not a
welcome one.

In an article by Judith Schulvitz, Evolutionary
Psychology Teaches Rape 101, Schulvitz criticizes Thornhill and Palmer for
their evolutionary determinist theory on the issue of why men rape women.
Schulvitz first states the “beef” with the evolutionary theory in general,

“Evolutionary psychology is not very good on the aspect
of the human psyche she’s personally interested in, which is how humans are
different from animals. Ev psych insists, rightly, that we not ignore our
similarities to the higher –and lower-order creatures, but its weak on
subjectivity, self-awareness, self-consciences, whatever you want to call it
–on how we explain our tangled mass of hormonal impulses to ourselves. And yet
this ability to reflect on ourselves underlies art, architecture, poetry,
government, journalism, and all other forms of communication that animals don’t
and can’t have” (Shulevitz, 2000).

Shulevitz however, speaks more candidly about Thornhill
and Palmer’s purposed course to teach young men and young women about rape,

“Completion of such a course might be required say,
before a young man is granted a driver’s license. The program might start by
inducing the young men to acknowledge the power of their sexual impulses, and
then explaining why human males have evolved in that way. The young men should
learn that past Darwinian selection is the reason that a man can get an
erection just by looking at the photo of a naked woman, why he may be tempted
to demand sex even if he knows that his date truly doesn’t want it, and why he
might mistake a woman’s friendly comment or tight blouse as an invitation to
sex. Most of all, the program should stress that a man’s evolved sexual desires
offer him no excuse whatsoever for raping a woman, and if he understands and
resists those desires, he may be able to prevent their manifestation in sexual
coercive behavior” (Shulevitz, 2000).

Of course Thornhill and Palmer cannot leave out the young
woman in their course of correction; this is what they purposed that the young
women be taught in this so-called course:

“Young women should be informed that, during the
evolution of human sexuality, the existence of female choice has favored men
who are quickly aroused by signals of a female’s willingness to grant sexual
access. Furthermore, woman need to realize that, because selection favored
males who had many mates, men tend to read signals of acceptance into a woman’s
actions even when no such signals are intended. In spite of protestations to
the contrary, women should be advised that the way they dress can put them at
risk” (Shulevitz, 2000).

Essentially, Thornhill and Palmer are suggesting the
government admits that men are “naturally born rapists” and that a woman should
be mindful of how they act and dress. Shulevitz’s throws in a dig suggesting
that lawyers everywhere are concocting their defenses at this very moment,
saying, “Culturalbox can see the criminal lawyers composing their
genetic-determinist defenses already: Why,
even the state said he couldn’t help himself” (Shulevitz, 2000)! Needless to
say, Shulevitz is not a big fan of the Thornhill-Palmer theory; finishing her
article with this statement of pure truth:

“If we teach our
children to see themselves strictly as beasts, they’re bound to act like them”
(Shulevitz, 2000).

Criticism also comes from Time magazine’s essayist Barbra
Ehreneich in the form of a retort to The Sciences article; “Ehreneich expresses
doubts that rape would offer much of a selective advantage: “The rapist
generally operates on a hit-and-run basis –which may be all right for stocking
sperm banks, but not as effective if the goal is to produce offspring who
will survive in a challenging environment…the children of guys who raped and
ran must have been a scrawny lot and doomed to end up on some leopard’s lunch
menu” (Ochert, 2000). Statistically, woman who become impregnated by their
attacker does not have the child, or if she does it is put up for adoption,
putting holes in Thornhill and Palmer’s theory once again.

Evolutionary biologist Jerry Coyne of the University of
Chicago has called the book “the worst efflorescence of evolutionary psychology
that I have ever seen”, claiming that it is “irresponsible, tendentious and the
science is sloppy”…”Rape, he says, is pathological, not natural” (Ochert, 2000).
As for the way women dress and act being an enticement for rape, Coyne suggests
that “there is no such evidence that scanty dress induces rape” (Ochert, 2000).
Moreover, if that statement is even suggested in a room full of people, the
outrage would be obvious. “As for Thornhill and Palmer’s recommendation that
young men be educated about the evolutionary basis of rape, Mary Koss,
professor of public health at the University of Arizona and an authority on
rape, says: “(They) have obviously never stood up before a group and given a
rape-prevention talk…if you even simply imply to a male audience that all men
are potential rapists, They go berserk” (Ochert, 2000)! Koss hits the nail on
the head with that statement; telling any man he is a potential rapist is not
the best of ideals –besides, this may give them the impression that it is in their
nature to rape so why fight it.

Labeling a person of any stature can cause the expected
action; moreover, psychologists have proven that labeling a person can cause long
lasting effects –and essentially cause the action by default. Similarly,
telling a woman that the way they dress and act is an invitation to rape,
induces them to believe if raped –it is their fault for wearing that sundress
or speaking politely to a stranger; which is far from the truth –no means no,
period! To a rape victim, annalistic theories about why they were raped, and
understanding the mind of the swine that did it, are no benefit to them. The
life of a rape victim is never the same and neither are the loved ones around
them: Where is the evolutionary determinist theory about victims of these
pathological demons –and is that theory as absurd as Thornhill and Palmer’s?

Many psychologists and scientists believe that men rape
women primarily because an aggressive need to control and dominate the victim
instead of to achieve sexual fulfillment, considering “rape as an act of
violence rather than principally a sexual encounter” (Supriya, 2011). With the
many theories floating about it is complicated to discern between
them all: procreation, frustration, control, sexual satisfaction, biological
and evolutionary reasoning, all make up a comprehensive confusing conundrum for
the victim, scientists, and psychologists alike. In the end, does it really
matter the reason? Can rape be eradicated? Maybe, if we are steadfast in
researching the actions and reasoning behind the rapists thought process when
committing the act of rape –this may give more insight into the underlying
thought process before and when the crime is committed –which gives a better
ground to start analysis and solutions.

Now that we have covered the theories derived from
others, let us look closer into some of the psychological disorders that may
put a person at greater risk for becoming a rapist or rape victim:
Schizophrenia is a possible mental impairment that could put a person at risk
to be both a rapist and a victim. The definition of Schizophrenia according to
David G. Myers “Psychology” ninth edition is, “a group of severe disorders
characterized by disorganized and delusional thinking, disturbed perceptions,
and inappropriate emotions and actions” (Myers, 2010). People with this particular
illness may be particularly vulnerable to be raped if female –and to rape if
male (though the opposite can occur, with humanity anything is possible). The
daunting question is; would the rapist in this case be culpable for this action
given the circumstances? The jury is still out on that issue –but in most
cases, probably not. The rapist must have a full understanding that rape is
wrong and the consequence for doing so is prison.

Antisocial personality disorder is another high-risk
mental illness, mainly for becoming an offender instead of a victim. Antisocial
personality disorder is defined by Myers as “a personality disorder in which
the person (usually a man) exhibits a lack of conscience for wrong doing, even
toward friends and family members…may be aggressive and ruthless or a clever
con artist” Myers, 2010). This particular impairment makes a person express
little to no remorse for their actions of violating another; not to say that
the person does not understand between right and wrong –they just do not care.
“Henry Lee Lucas confessed that during his 32 years of crime, he had bludgeoned,
suffocated, stabbed, shot, or mutilated some 360 women, men, and children –the
first (a woman) at the age 13” (Myers, 2010). The crimes committed among these
mentally ill inmates are staggering at best; this is why finding these
impairments at an early age is essential, therfore, medication and therapy can be
achieved before manifestation of criminal behavior.

In conclusion, there are many theories on why men
rape women; while none of them are completely right -none are completely wrong
either. It is obvious that more studies and research must be done and a
solution to this violence found. Moreover, all women must be mindful when out,
or even to who they speak too; a man (according to evolutionary theory) may
take it as an invitation to rape. Finally, the human mind is a complex
instrument, which will never be completely figured out or analyzed, however, we can
get a better understanding if steadfast in our search for answers and solutions.


Myers, David G. (2010).
Psychology Ninth Edition. Worth Publishers. New York, New York.

ISBN- 13:978-1-4292-1597-8.

Ochert, Ayala. (2000,
February 4). Why men want to rape. Times Higher Education.


Shulevitz, Judith.
(2000, January 13). Evolutionary psychology teaches rape 101. Slate magazine


Supriya, Sharron.
(2011, June 2). Why men rape. One India.



A thoracic surgeon performs a mitral valve rep...

Image via Wikipedia

(Written for a communications class received an A; please leave your comments)

Every relationship has
its communication challenges, however, if a person is ill and there is a
communication problem between the Doctor and Patient –it can be deadly. Patients
and physicians have an obligation to be clear and precise in their communication
to each other, if one or the other fails in their obligation the results can
cause harm or even death. In September of 2005, I had to have a simple surgical
procedure. When the hospital called the day before to give instructions, I asked
them if I should take my daily medications -or wait until after; the nurse
informed me to go ahead and take all medicines as scheduled (she never ask what
kind it was). This was the start of the communication plight between the staff
and me.

Not thinking that most of
the medications were narcotics, I took them all as normal. By the time that I
had reached the hospital in Oklahoma City, it was time to take my second dose of
the day; therefore, once again, I took them as normal. Now laying in the
hospital bed waiting for the anesthesiologist, I was feeling no pain. About
thirty minutes later the nurse came in and administered the sedation –that was
the last thing that I remember, until I awoke in intensive care nine days later.
After coming to, the nurse told me that I had passed away three times –the last
being for over a minute and a half.

The next day the staff
moved me to a regular floor where I stayed another nine days. The doctor that
had done the procedure came into my hospital room and informed me that if I did
not quit taking all those pills it would kill me (at that time I was on 30
different medicines), however, after three years of being on them I was an
addict. For the next week they rehabbed me and got the drugs out of my system;
it was the first time that I had thought clearly in three years. The doctor
stated that he would not put me back on any narcotics –that if I felt pain then
I knew I was alive; at that sober moment, I agreed with him. It seemed that now,
he and I were communicating competently, clearly, with perfect

However, the morning that
I checked out of the hospital (21 days after a same day surgery) the nurse
handed me thirteen new prescriptions –all narcotics; the same medicines I had
just overdosed on. I did not understand why he would do that after what just
occurred. I asked the nurse if he realized that he said he was NOT going to give
me any medicines; she stated that he wrote them and told her to give them to me.
As an addict, the thought never crossed my mind to tell her to tell him that I
would NOT take them –I went straight to the pharmacy and filled them; eating two
of each to make up for lost time. By the time that I reached Stonewall,
Oklahoma, I was high on pills again –remaining hooked for another two years.

I often ponder on this
incident, wondering how it could have been handled better –on both sides of the
spectrum; what we could have done differently –I wondered. As for my part of the
communication issue: I should have asked the nurse that told me to take the
regular medications –if that included the narcotics, since they would be putting
me to sleep; instead, I assumed that it meant take all the daily medications.
I have since learned to not assume anything, and that the only stupid question
is –the one unasked! Not communicating competently almost cost me my

Similarly, the nurse
should have asked exactly what kinds of medications that I was taking –but
again, I assumed she knew. It is the hospital staffs’ job to be thorough when
giving instructions and asking pertainate questions from the patient before any
procedure. Moreover, the nurse that administered the sedative should have asked
more questions before putting the medication in my IV –it was obvious that I was
high on something. Furthermore, a detailed list of my medications and allergies
should have been readily available to the hospital staff before surgery was
scheduled, and they should have went over that list with me on the phone when
setting the appointment time (a miss-communication between the doctor and staff
members). This is a policy that should be implemented in every hospital and
doctor’s office across the country –it could save lives.

As far as the doctor is
concerned and his lack of communication skills with staff (both the doctor at
the hospital and my primary physician), should have made it clear that narcotics
should not be taken before this procedure. Additionally, the physicians’ should
have told me as the patient, that I should not take narcotics or sedatives
before any procedure that requires sedation of any type. There were plenty of
opportunities to inform me of what I should or should not do before the medical
procedure; moreover, if it happened in my case, who’s to say that it hasn’t
happened to others –or will in the future.

In conclusion, in a
relationship all parties involved must communicate clearly, competently, and
mindfully. Because, in certain circumstances a breakdown in communication can
cost a life, a love, or even a family member –lost to a complete
misunderstanding. We must all consider the effect that our words and sentences
have on others and the way that they communicate. Finally, simply because one
party walks away satisfied with the conversation does not mean that it was a
competent, clear exchange.